I spend way too much time online!!
I've been pretty slack with blogging lately...well actually, i havent quite gotten into it just yet! Its been two weeks since my last post so ill try my best to make this one a good one.
I know! I'll tell you a little about my love life....
love? life
I can honestly say that I've never been in love.
Im 25 years old, single and I've never been in love.
I've had three boyfriends.
Boyfriend #1 lasted 2 weeks. He was a good friend (at one point he was my best friend) and I didnt want to complicate things so after just two weeks I dumped him! He use to give me goose-bums when i was with him but the way i liked him made me really nervous...scared even! It really was complicated! And maybe one day ill share with you more details. We're still friends and stay in touch when we can....and apparently he still likes me! I dont like him that way anymore. He has a serious girlfriend and they live together in Dunedin.
Boyfriend #2 lasted 3 days. This guy in college had a huge crush on me and after asking me out about a hundred times, i said yes....then we kissed and he had smelly breath and spat all over my mouth (gross)...so then i dumped him and said "were better off as friends". I think he hated me for a few months after that. Hes now married and has three kids.
Boyfriend #3 lasted about 6 months. I was third year at Uni. He was second. We were friends before he told me he liked me and asked me out. He was a sweet, funny and charming guy so i said yes plus I liked him too. We spent more time texting and emailing each other then actually spend time together. It kinda became an awkward relationship. Cant exactly call it relationship though cause we never really did much together....i mean we didnt even kiss....i know! weird! And apparently things were going too fast ???? and he dumped me...through email...from Samoa! I hated him for doing that! But i got over it. He now has a girlfriend....a serious one!
There have been other guys...you know?! dates...potential boyfriends...blah blah! but seriously, if i go into details i'd have to turn this post into a book!
The thing about me is I've never made finding a boyfriend a priority. Moving away from home and living in Auckland, I knew my focus had to be on my studies. After graduating, my focus was on performing and finding a job. Now im working, performing, teaching, studying....seriously! what time do I have now to find a boyfriend?!
I dont want to be single for long though (lets remember im a quarter of a century old now!)
I do admit though, I have my insecurities when it comes to guys. Emotional insecurities? I've noticed Im quite guarded! I dont like to get too emotionally involved with people. I dont like being vulnerable in front of people, especially guys...I always find it hard to talk about how i really feel so im always "Okay". And probably the biggest thing is, I fear losing my independence and freedom....Im so used to doing things on my own and taking care of myself that I cant imagine the whole relationship thing and always being with that person....doing stuff....and always being together.
I've been a lot more open to dating...so open Im texting/getting to know three guys right now....none of them have actually asked me out on a date. Geez! What ever happen to romance...asking a girl on a dinner/movie date?...making an effort! courting! are people still doing that?! If so, where are they? someone navigate me to them!
So Im a busy body! Always doing something! The things that keep me busy are the things i love doing...my job, performing and (sometimes) studying. Maybe when that tall dark and handsome guy (wishful thinking) finds me and he's worth my valuable time (hehe) then ill make the effort. Ill make the effort if he makes the effort. But you know! these kinda things shouldnt be forced. They should just happen naturally right? If two people are meant to be together then everything just makes sense....right?! Or maybe I just watch too many romcoms!
I seriously dont know where im going with this!
Bottom line is, all that blah blah and all i really wanted to write was...I.wanna.be.in.love
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